Darkness Mirror
by piandaoist
Summary: Vaatu tries to convince Piandao to go along with his Evil Plan to bring Chaos to the world.


"So, have you reconsidered my offer?"

"Oh, hey, Vaatu. Wasn't sure you'd be home," Piandao chuckled.

Vaatu sighed. Nothing ever changed with this idiot.

"Go ahead, Piandao. Take a few minutes of my extremely valuable time to laugh at your own stupid joke."

"Extremely valuable time? You got somewhere to be?"

Vaatu crossed his streamers in disgust.

"You know what, Vaatu? I'm sorry. That was rude. I'm working on myself, so I can be a better person. Azula said I was too mean."

"Whatever, apology accepted. So, are you in, or what? We doin' this? We bringing the Chaos?"

"Okay, but wait! Before we Bring the Chaos, I have to know something: Do you really ooze darkness? Because I'm looking at you and you look like you're literally radiating darkness."

Vaatu huffed. "It's rude to answer a question with a question. Because then, it isn't an answer, is it, Piandao?"

"I'm just sayin'. Things either radiate light or they reflect it. You're weird. That's all I'm saying."

"I'm not weird! I am the opposite of light! I am the darkness. I am chaos. I radiate darkness. You reflect my darkness."

"I do?" Piandao checked his reflection in his blade. "I don't see it."

"It's there. You can't see the darkness until you accept it's truly there."

"Fair enough. So… Do I look like a badass, basking in the not-glow of your Darkness?"

Vaatu sighed. "Sure, why not?"

"Do I have glowy red parts?"

"No."

"Streamers? Do I have streamers?"

"No, Piandao, you don't have streamers."

"Am I shaped like a kite?"

"Oh for–FOCUS, PIANDAO!"

"I'm trying. But the image of me being a Darkness Mirror is pretty awesome. I can't get it out of my head."

"I'm thrilled for you!" Vaatu droned.

"Nice sarcasm," Piandao laughed. "But, you know? It doesn't even matter because I'm really not feelin' it. Initially, I thought it'd be pretty great to get wasted and ride the chaos train as it speeds off the rails toward its inevitable apocalyptic conclusion. But, I thought about it. Seems kinda redundant when you think about it?."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, first off, you claim you will bring chaos to the world?"

"Yes, I was very clear about the chaos and the darkness and the bringing of it to The Entire World."

"You've met humans, right?"

"Of course I have!"

"Because we already do that, and there are billions of us. There's just one of you."

"Not on this scale!" Vaatu snapped. "I feed off the confusion and anger of all living creatures and I grow until my darkness consumes the entire world."

"That's not so much chaos as it is evil. Feeding off of people's fear and confusion? That's a next-level supervillain thing. Besides, we already do that, too. Our Evil game is pretty tight. Exploitation? Got it! Depravity? All covered! Greed, loathing, apathy… It's all there! What can you offer the world in terms of Chaotic Evil Solutions that we can't?"

Vaatu started to sputter.

"WHAT?!" Vaatu squawked in a voice a lot like Sokka's shrill scream when he found out there was a spider the size of a human head living in his boot. "What are you talking about, Piandao? I am–"

"The Darkness, I know. It's just… We've already got the market cornered on all that business. Honestly, Vaatu, you should really get out more. Maybe go to Wan Shi Tong's library and check out some books about us and our horrible history."

"I thought you said you were working on yourself," Vaatu muttered.

"It's a process. Baby steps and so on…"

"Uh-huh…"

"Speaking of babies… What will become of all the little baby animals when you "Bring the Chaos"? Because I'm all about cute baby animals: baby turtle ducks, eel hound pups, cute little badger mole babies…"

Vaatu was incredulous. Then, his disbelief turned to fury. For a moment, Piandao thought that all nature would stop existing when he felt quaking from all directions and that weird beam of light that was shooting up into what he could only assume was the Spirit World sky flickered.

"BABY ANIMALS?!" Vaatu's roar sent tremors through Piandao. "THEY ARE THE LIGHT! THE BLINDING WHITE HOT LIGHT! DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM, PIANDAO?! DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO DO HERE!?"

"Okay, calm down. If I wanted to get screamed at for literally no reason, I'd go talk to Jeong Jeong."

"You disgust me, Piandao! Baby animals? Feh! If I had a mouth, I would throw up in it! I can't even look at you right now!"

"You have eyes?"

"Just get out! Get out of my realm! Don't ever come back here!"

Piandao shrugged then wandered off. A few minutes of peace and quiet passed before Vaatu heard the all-to-familiar sound of his laughter coming from somewhere beyond the portal.

"I'm having a party this weekend. Hope to see you there!"

"Fuck you, Piandao!"


End file.
